Friday, September 29, 2006

Lonely, I'm so lonely...

It's shaptami today. I am homesick and hyperactive and extremely moody at the moment. Had gone home for a single day to visit my ailing grandmom last weekend, but apart from the fact that it bolstered her spirits and put her back on track to recovery (and that, was what made it worth it), it was the worst possible timing really. Going home days before Pujo is the most terrible form of masochism, I swear. You can see the pandals spiralling up from every possible nook and corner, you hear people make plans for the days ahead, you smell the festivity in the air and it's all so tempting and nostalgic that you hate yourself for living in a different city, for having to earn a living and not being so god-damned rich that you need not care two hoots about things like planning in advance. I don't have a single new dress to remind me in this god-forsaken city that it's celebration time. I have to grin through a consolatory visit to what is the local equivalent of Pujo at home. I have to work through the four days as if this whole city is banking on me to set a precedence on The Value of Discipline and Restraint in the Life of a Professional. Arrghh, I HAAAATE it.

And you know what makes it worse? The fact this would have been my last Pujo in the old way of life. Along with Sunshine and River and Sunny and Gruff and all the rest of the gang. The traditional family get-together on Bijoya, the compulsive dining out on all four days--old habits that might be irreversibly sidelined in the wake of the new life. I am missing excursions to the far north of my city, staying up nights with River and Sunshine and sometimes, Pretty, over infusion and a steady exchange of gossip and chatter. I am missing Pujobarshiki-s and mindless ha ha hee hee with Ma and baby cuz. I am missing the daily spate of mail exchanges with Sunny because his office is shut for the Pujo, missing my war of words with Caustic, who must be flaunting his red shirt in the beaches of Goa now...

This is utter depravity. I want to go home NOW. Somebody please help.

PS-Sharadiyar shubhechha and thank you all for bearing with me. I still want to go home but it helps to get the grouse out of the system.


Blogger nobody you know said...

wish i could write like you...beautiful!!!!!


10:44 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger nobody you know said...

wish i could write like you. beautiful!!!!just that it takes a lot of longing and twiching of the nerves to write the same... Fish

10:45 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Fortunata said...


Thank you :-) Although I think you are just being too modest. If Fresh Orange Juice...had come out of my pen, I would have been mighty proud of my achievement :-)

2:54 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger M (tread softly upon) said...

hey sharadiya shubhechha to you! and don't be sad. we all find ways to cope.

11:14 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Fortunata said...

m (tread softly upon),

Hi, thank you so much for your wishes. I guess you are right-- there are small consolations, but not being home during Pujo is so annoying, isn't it? Was reading your post just the other day and I could feel the city come alive. I mean, the queues at the local tailor and the new shoes and counting the number of pandals that you had visited...I miss the spirit of the time more than anything else...anyway, shubho bijoya to you. Here's hoping we all have more such reasons to keep missing the city of joy :-)

11:34 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger spiderman! said...

errr...Caustic did not ALWAYS have a war of words with you...right ?

3:10 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger jerry said...

Hey, I have to ask you. Not related to this post at all. Didya get the name 'Who shall I say is calling" from Cohen song, had to ask damn!

5:48 PM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Fortunata said...

Yeah, right you are! :-) Am a big fan of Cohen's.

11:43 AM GMT+5:30  
Blogger Fortunata said...


True, Caustic didn't always intend to fight with me. It was just an incidental fallout that just happened every alternate day :-) But honestly, I'd rather have a straight-talking Caustic for a friend than a smooth-talking suave stranger who I can't relate to :-))

6:06 PM GMT+5:30  

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