Tuesday, June 05, 2007

What if, maybe, and then some more!

I am all topsy-turvy today. Bright gold sunshine treacling down my back, dripping down my shoulders, enfolding me in a gilt-edged bubble and suddenly I am all breathless like I have been under water too long. I want to rush through the days, these days edged with emptiness, these honey gold days laced with longing and loneliness, and reach tomorrow. Now.

Ironically, there's a lot to fill my days with lately--work's been busy, and there's been that many books to catch up on at home. Then there's the laundery to be done, the daily grocery, cooking, dusting--the entire housekeeping regime to run through. But somewhere in between, I pause and I wonder, if this is all that there ever will be to my life...this endless running through days ticking off the chores in my mind, planning, always planning to do all the things that I have forever meant to do, somewhere down the way.

The truth is, and I admit, I have always known it deep down somewhere, that I am inordinately lazy when it comes to giving wings to my desires--the kind of laziness that prompts you to put off things that need not be done right now, for later, and then forget it eventually. When I run through my days, filled with all the things that I am programmed to do by way of habit, all the things that have fallen into a pattern, I have them at the back of my mind as an escape route that I'll fall back on someday.

That never arrives.

Which is why on days like today I feel suffused with a surfeit of dreams threatening to spill out and run amok;

Only, not knowing where to go,

They slowly creep back into their carefully-constructed labyrinths, hoping to be smoked out by the sun on another forgotten morning down the road;




Blogger Priya said...

ya... used to feel that way a lot... But you know whats scarier? When you take that first step towards your dream and realise its not all that hunky dorky. That this is going to mean hardwork everyday. The lazy you never left, she's still in there wishing you had never started. Thats the boogeyman you'll be battling everyday.

oh but its fun :)

12:07 PM GMT+5:30  

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